A play dealing with temptation and importunities of women, opening the grosser side of a woman’s passion. A comedy of propriety woven with threads of studies of prudery. A tyranny of conventional propriety looking into the flaws of both the moral and judicial system in the so-called high society. A play of morality and integrity, carnal love and true love, honour and dignity.
Description.
Solicitations of Abbou, a young servant by a married woman, Nana her master’s wife. He’s tempted but all the more striking is his consciousness of the divine presence which to him is the ultimate sanction of morality. His persisting integrity exemplifies higher power-a world’s influence might invade but would not touch the upright. He does not falter; he rejects her innuendoes and solicitations willy-nilly.
But she takes her revenge-doesn’t take his rejection lying down. The covetous wife turns the tables on him by asserting the opposite of the truth. Makes a covert appeal to the jealousy of the men-servants against the hated Abbou, and to the fears of the society women, whom she represents as unsafe from insults. The women all agree that no man has a right to resist their solicitations. Beauty is spurned. Her distorted account of facts has the desired effect on her husband. And there is the threat of prison for Abbou, and the company of the vilest of men, instead of the caresses of beauty in high places.
But the Judge, her husband, can read through their solicitations, and have been busy all along with another similar strange death-row case, a perfect parallel to the false accusation by his Wife to his own servant. Where two brothers living together and the wife of the Elder Brother, accuses the Younger Brother falsely. The Elder seeks to murder the Younger. But being at last convinced of his innocence, he slays his Wife instead.
All these happens against a background of the domineering presence of Big Mama, the Judge’s mother, and who is not only in bad books with Nana, but also is soliciting lobbying, and helping a covetous lass, Minnie, to get married to her son.
Excerpts from the
play Benefits of Doubts
A2S4—The
Native Return
[Minnie spreads a dark duvet in her king-sized
bed which lies strategically in the middle of a room that’s devoid of modern
convenience. Draperies and Swahili kangas hang precariously on racks. Smoke
from jasmine incense fills the room. An old African mat, faded carpet, etc are adorned
by unpacked pastries, snacks, drinks, etc. Minnie’s
beaming smile splashes in approval. Enter Big
Brother]
Big Brother: [Holding the drinks] Jameson?
Amarula? What a sumptuous waste! Who are you indulging this time? [Teasing] One of your classy gigolos?
Minnie: No. I’m not Minnie-coddling anyone tonight. It’s just the justice…
Big
Brother: [Anxiously] Say
what?
Minnie: What now, are you deaf?
I said Justice the just. I’ve prepared for him tilapia stew and marinated chicken
tikka-mous-tikka. Feel free and
invite yourself to celebrate and share in this auspicious occasion.
Big Brother: [Nonplussed] Excuse you? Who asked you
to? Is this the latest overcooked Soap-Opera tactic to snatch the husband of
Nana?
Minnie: Stop being ridiculous! You sound so surprised. Well,
I don’t see anything about it that goes beyond the bounds of the ordinary.
Big Brother: Then remind me, what would a married man
want in our house?
Minnie: [Nodding] Mmh! Indeed! Want or desire; you catch up real quick,
bro. real quick. What if his wife can no longer satisfy this need; or want; or
desire. But stop judging me now! Tonight I host the Judge. Next, it is the
minister himself! [Gyrating her waist]
And you say-say Minnie-Minnie Mo has small means! Is it shocking?
Big Brother: [Correcting] Not shocking or even impossible
a feat for someone with a bottom like two stale buns! But I’m warning you sister
and your itchy groin; to think harder than shaking it to make Nana share her
husband...
Minnie: [Teasing] Are you serious right now…
Big Brother: [Firmly] Listen
to me you silly goose…
Minnie: Why
should I listen?
Big Brother: This
is no time for more childish gibberish.
Minnie: Seriously?
Only when you want me to listen, it’s THAT serious…
Big Brother: [Sternly] I’m
very, very serious, sister-girl. Who says he can just come here and amuse
himself? Don’t you realise this is only trouble if you are just his side dish
of marinated ‘tikka-mous-tika ?’ Besides,
this scheming escapade can only compromise our court case and cause a scandal.
Minnie: I know that, but you too
should appreciate the countless times I’ve argued, holding deep debates within
my mind but losing all arguments. I’ve told my heart; but it won’t listen—not
one bit! What can a damsel in distress do when blissful fortune fastens as a
magnet his muscular spirit to her heart? Such a resolve is only a pawn for hopes
and a means to her desire...
Big Brother: [Adamantly] You
must stop these solicitations. Honour demands it. How shall I to save my face,
as his close friend, if he Minnie-coddled and then booted you? This shall be a gross
transgression...
Minnie: Objection overruled, my
lord! Talking of honour, what’s more nobly honourable than a judge embodying an
ideal union? For once in my bosom lies the only man worthy of my virginity, honourably
guarded for the white bed sheet on our nuptial night, [longingly] for the ululations of the old maids exulting the
honourable stain the morning after...
Big Brother: Virgin?
[Laughing] You? Then why do you broadcast
yourself on the market as ‘single-and-ready-to-mingle’?
Minnie: My marital status is just
a scheme to sample my suitors and test how suitable my caprice is in my amorous
adventures. I may only
be a
little boat looking for a harbour but until today, I have sailed
cruising past the assailing sea of desire. And now, as a respite, after anchoring
in the apogee of my journey, providing proof of my honour, no one, not even Big
Brother can delay my romantic voyager any longer.
Big Brother: Unbelievable!
Will you keep too your local gigolos as playthings?
Minnie: I’ve summoned them too, to
share in my banquet—all the homeboys—already the maids are in the kitchen.
Big Brother: No doubt
to deliver a press statement to your gigolo billy-goats sniffing round you.
Minnie: You and your foul mouth!
Is this about your Kiki that I turned down?
Big Brother: I’m
just saying little sister. If you indulge the judge and instead of elevating
you into a pedestal, degrades you as his footstool, our family will be an
object of disgrace, and you will put me in a very awkward situation!
Minnie: I am a woman gifted in untying knotty love chords of any man, seducing
him long enough to share in my dream. So stop patronising me with lectures about
virtue and respect. [Snapping] Why
should I even worry about your honour or your cherished friendship when love
spread ahead of me in endless dreams of ecstasy? I’m shrewd; I’ll lay all my
cards, not just my little cleavage! The sages say ‘blessed is the hand that gives’
but today I declare, hallowed be the hand that gives a lot... [Noise from without, ululation] and
there comes my prince. [To Big Brother] Don’t just stand! Can
you usher him. [Bustle outside, offstage
voices] Welcome our son! Our loving son!
Big Brother: Why would
I welcome him when you no longer listen to me?
Minne: [Desperately] Don’t stand here! I don’t want him to know we are
arguing about him. Get out! Get busy, pleee-ase! [Both laugh knowingly as he exits].
Old Woman: [The compound stirs]
Welcome my son. They are excited because they have never seen such a big car!
Minnie: That’s what I’m talking
about.
Old Man: Park the car near the
umbrella tree!
Big Brother: Let me
park it for you, my brother!
Old Man: You are most welcome, my son.
Young
Man: There you are! A new shining banknote for me!
Judge: And for you, mama, an island Kitenge,
my wife wears a similar fabric.
Old Woman: Ooh! Thank
you, my son. I will always pray for you to have everything you desire. [With emphasis] Everything, my son!
Judge: And this papa, is all
for you. Rolex watch, see? Exactly like mine, we are now a family. [With emphasis] One big family!
Young
Girl: Ooh my! All these wads and bundles! What a full-size briefcase!
Old
Man: Hallowed be the hand that gives a lot! [Laughing] You always gave a listening
ear to the needs of your mama! Mother is supreme. [Laughter and general mirth as the judge comes into the room]
Judge: Oh my dear [Hugging
Minnie] Look at you? Like the queen of Sheba!
Minnie: Is why a gracious reception
to welcome my kingly Solomon.
Judge: The spiralling incense is
already making me feel at home [Sitting
on the bed, trying it] and my throne is floating with the whirling uud!
Old Woman: [Aside] Did you see that? Sinking
into her bed with no invitation?
Old Man: [Aside] Audacious gesture! Signal his meaning better than words…
Old
Woman: [Aside]
Spelling his intention...
Big Brother: [Coming in] Here’s your car’s keys. Hey
Mr Big Man! Look at you [beside himself
again] A real king my friend! Look at all these people? Just come to
receive you. You should vie for a senatorial seat [The drinks come, everybody sits. The women take on the carpets and
mats, the men on the cushions. The judge takes off his coat and is hung on the rack
by Minnie].
Judge: [Tickling his glass with a spoon] Order in court! [General laughter] Order! I see no order
without my gavel. [Seriously] By God,
Mnazi booze! I have been missing all this. My old neighbourhood hasn’t changed!
What a return to my roots, cheers good people and a toast to your health! [Lifts his glass]
Minnie: Cheers everyone! [Tickling hers] Truly the return of the
native! [Taking a long sip] Mmmh! Mnazi
cocktail! The best busaa booze! [Laughter]
Big Brother: Yes. Mnazi
and Amarula. But please tie your trousers at the legs.
Judge: Haha! I know that my
stomach may run like caterpillar’s engine…
Big Brother: Purring
like your Benz. It’s a beast! That machine is just amazing? Never driven one
before! The ignition key and vrmmmvs [imitates]
Judge: Welcome to the club of big boys...
Big Brother: Yeah,
big boys! Remember when we were street villains terrorising this neighbourhood,
hehehe...
Judge: Yeah man! While pretending
to be the murky boys only to meet the real Murky Boys...
Big Brother: And playing
in the rain looking for broken down vehicles...
Judge: Yes, or stranded after we poured detergents and black oil to make the
roads slippery! Then we would push big men cars for a fee!
Big
Brother: And our ‘Dark Knight’ Wrestle-mania matches.
Judge: We were slippery lithe little things.
Minnie:
Lads clad in loincloths.
Big
Brother: After smearing our legs with coconut oil.
Judge: And amulets in our heads
to intimidate a rival.
Big
Brother: Tied to our arms! Tribal tattoos filling our faces.
Judge: Artwork done by Khalid, Remember the clan’s calligraphist?
Big
Brother: And drumbeats animated every round of bout,
breathing life...
Minnie: Little girls like us
would intone in ululations to cheer up the wrestlers; and each applaud, a
pointed sword, piercing an opponent’s sinewy muscles.
Judge: Settling
our disputes using our young growing muscles, bulging with pride. Meeting
head-on and challenging our fears with both hands. We wrestled with fortune and held it by its neck,
demanding our rights…
Big Brother: Never
wrestling to mesmerize the crowd. [Takes
a refill] While
we were on the arena, our craft possessed us. We cared less what others said.
We were the element, breathing fire to the explosive stage, ignoring the immaterial
madding crowd. Wriggling out with clenched teeth at a rival’s grip,
interloping legs round legs!
Judge: And what euphoria that
followed at long last when you trounced your despondent opponent to the ground!
Big Brother: The
conqueror would be carried shoulder high, cheered as the rival lay jeered in
humiliation...
Judge: Even throwing his arms up
in the air as opposing fans fell out stirring chaos to the merriment amidst
drumming complimenting his bravado.
Old Man: This way, you all
exploited safer avenues to channel your super energies instead of taking to
alcohol and drugs to forget our poverty.
Judge: Life was tough and
rough, but we wrestled it like Okonkwo in Umuofia!
Old Man: Around here, surrender is
simply not an option. Do you know even the word ‘defeat’ is not in our vocabulary?
We say ‘effortless attempts’ to show there were still gems of exertion in the
endeavour!
Minnie: We fake it until we make
it. [Refilling their glasses]
Old Man: The neighbourhood is a university
in itself, a garrison of knowledge, the kiln of pristine wisdom from which the mind
refines its faculties.
Big
Brother: Oh! How I miss those days…
Old Woman: Copious in our lack, cautious
in our hard luck, cordial in our dissonance, and decent in our sadness—such were
the moral values guiding the natives of this village.
Old Man: The youth of today
squander time playing computer and video games, shifting their football
dexterity to watching Live Premier games.
Judge: [Laughing] I still have a battle scar, in my arm—a reminder that
you beat the living daylights off me, but in turn, didn’t I get the better of Elder
Brother? Remember how he made ‘effortless attempts’ to trounce me! Poor sod! Asked
or a rematch! But this was
no more than the efforts in the anus of a proud dog attempting to put out a
furnace with his puny fart! [Minnie and the unmarried girls bring the main dish]. Wish I could re-live the history!
Big Brother: Yeah,
he cried like a great baby half the night. And made his girlfriend cry to see
him cry! [Laughing] Polluting the
sweet air of our neighbourhood with sighs and groans of the grand defeat. [It’s served and all sit ready to eat]
Minnie: Dinner is served. Let me
say the grace: Good
food. Good friends. Good Lord. Let’s eat!
Big Brother: What a grace
in haste, my lady!
Minnie: Bon appétit!
Judge: No! No! No cutlery for
me. My fillanges are better in scooping food than all these spoons! Let me
savour an art I had forgotten—a self-indulgence of using my fingers to eat!
Minnie: Then at least wash them...
Judge: Oh! About that... (Dips his forefinger in thick sauce and
licks it. Picks the fish and smooches its mouth and works on it)
Minnie: You’re playing truant again with ‘germs-are-not-aware’ games.
Judge: Away with un-African
table protocols. I remember we mixed all the courses and sauces into the Swahili
sinia. [Impudently mixes all the food in one big round plate] Yes, like
this! Then mould a mixture of fish, tikka
and salad, dig it into the stew, making small balls, and put it into your
mouth, like this, and then chew it, relishing its taste, leisurely with your
right teeth, emitting like smoke, a fishbone from the left side of your mouth!
See?
Big Brother: Yes,
that’s right. You’ve never forgotten your roots!
Minnie: Only that the fish will
choke you if you talk too much...
Judge: [Hot chillies sting his tongue]
Oh get me some water!
Minnie: Are those tears of joy welling in your eyes?
Old
Woman: Here’s a serviette
Big
Brother: [Laughing] Tears of a nostalgic native!
Minnie: [Teasing] ‘Twas you who specifically
insisted on highly spiced fish stew!
Old Woman: [To Minnie] Put some pilau portions with no pepper on his
side of the big dish.
Judge: [To Old Woman] Oh! No! No
choicest steaks, piling them before me!
Old Man: You are the guest of honour
Judge: Let’s all equally savour
our daughter’s culinary arts; relish the African cuisine; but only without foreign
formal rituals!
Minnie:
Thank you, sir. [Giggling]
Actually, you inspired my African cuisine.
Big Brother: You must
maintain the standards you set in your own house!
Minnie: Our poor standards pale in
comparison if you are so used to etiquettes of the high table that dictate knives
to be on the right (and knives varying in diverse array), spoons to be on the
left, what spoons to stir tea with, what spoons for pudding, and what spoons to
serve stew!
Judge: Oh! No. Don’t mention
it. It makes me sick every time my wife, in her prudence personified attitude, lectures
me that: ‘You have used the wrong spoon to eat biryani!’
Old Man: Here, your fingers are
the knife...
Old Woman: And
even your left hand is still the right spoon...
Judge: [Laughing] There’s this
restaurant with a notice; [Swallows hard]
‘adjust your standards if they are superior than ours.’ I feel alive to that
fact today right here. Besides, nobody cares to warn me if I forgot to wash my
hands.
Minnie:
Oh, but I did that, didn’t I?
Judge: Then you are learning very fast on the job. What prudery! We should make
you the chairperson of plates and spoons committee! [All laugh]
Minnie: Really?
I have trouble using a fork and knife. I will look like a primitive hunter
hacking away my food.
Old Woman: Please
spare your time to give an orientation to my daughter on decent table manners
Judge: Ok. The short of it is that the
fork is in your left, prongs face away, with your index resting on the
backside, near the head of the fork. Your other four wrapped around the handle
as you bend your wrist with your index pointing the plate, making the tip of
the fork and knife somewhat point towards the plate…
Minnie: Big
Mama says I should learn to be a decorum queen, especially to eat rice with a
fork and graduate to using chopsticks. How is it even possible?
Judge: You pick the rice up, by scooping
it with the fork. Don’t pick because you’ll stab nothing. Don’t heap food on
the rear of the fork, just turn it over. But are you chasing or following me? [Laughs] A thousand dos and don’ts!
Old Woman: Fortunately here, you
plunge your hand into the food, take the right bit, scoop it up, mould as you daub
about in stew, then off you chew!
Minnie: [Cosseting] Eat daddy! Eat!
It's all for you!
Big
Brother: Whoa there! That’s going too far! Licking off the
groundnut sauce!
Judge: No wonder it’s called finger-licking
food! [Wiping his forehead] A palate’s
paradise in devouring cayenne pepper and feeling the variety of flavours of my
native dishes!
Minnie: [Aside to Old Woman] Have you put it?
Old Woman: [Aside] Yes, and he has gulped it down as an appetizing saucer.
Get some more pepper! He’s all under your beck and call
Judge: Oh, mother pepper! I’m
under your spell! And my mouth waters with a passion for pepper
Minnie: Here! [Handing him a serviette] For your red eyes;
the window to your soul, purified by a cayenne!
Judge: And a sweaty temple! [Wiping]
Some more passion juice...
Minnie: Drink my dear! Drink the
juice of passion from Sheba herself.
Old Woman: No
wonder love begins with metaphors of passion!
Big Brother: Your
brow is damp, bro! And your head’s perspiring! Are you overindulging yourself,
sir!
Minnie: Here’s more tikka...
Judge: No, please. I’ve had
more than enough to last an eternity. How nostalgic am I to partake in this collective
banquet! A toast to my beautiful lady! I truly adore this chicken
tikka-mous-tikka!
Minnie: And adore is the word of the day. [She
places a bowl of warm water. Prompts the other guests to take their leave after
washing their hands] Use this after hand-wash perfume so you don’t smell tilapia
[Enter Mugithi, the one-man guitar strums his guitar, plucking the strings,
his voice rises up in tepid tempo. Big
Brother too, takes his cue]
Judge: Oh my God! The One Man
Guitar! [Rising to dance] And what
theme shall we dedicate and call this re-union?
Minnie: The return of the
native! [Draws the net curtains,
they dance] The return of my soul brother [aside to Mugithi] hit
me with music, man! Here’s your payment for the performance! Double the amount!
More later!
Mugithi:
[Aside]
Oh my! Five thousand shillings! You have my tongue,
sister!
[Singing] O judge, king of African sky!
You are
an African grey eagle,
That a tilapia
mistress of the sea
Forsook
her ocean to follow you
But far
better than a watery race
Take
Minnie; a bird of your flock
An African
fish eaglet you deserve
By a feather
higher can she perch
Tangling
your talons in dreamy air
[Minnie gyrates and ululates, dazzling the
Judge with her dance moves].
Mugithi: A fish left her kingdom
To love an airborne bird
But after the infatuation
Of tilapia wedding an eagle
Did they settle in a coop?
Or in sunken aquarium?
Beware my soul brother
One
can’t nest a palace
Upon
the scales of tilapia
The
union shall drown
And
choked by fishbone
Beware
my soul brother
Minnie
the eaglet is yours
[They dance vigorously as Mugithi strums]
Judge: [Drunkenly] The mellow
plucking
Of the
guitar strings
Stirs
me to passion
And passion listens
Rising his erotic head
With guilty conscience
For he knows he’s rash
Yet he’s softly persistent
[He pulls the reluctant Minnie and whispers to her]
Mugithi:
Minnie’s love
is written
Upon every soaring swoop
Upon every mating tenor
A lovely African fish eaglet
Perching in her perfection
Perfuming the sapphire air
The lofty cloud of azure sky
With a rich fecund splendor
Swearing tender maiden love
Of her king and to her desire
Only to make her eagle happy
Minnie: [Aside] O music of Mugithi
Ignite his divine fire
That dies during day
Arouse it up this night
Its beams and blazes
Mugithi, stir his pathos
Untie his love chords
Mugithi, seduce him
I’ve laid all my cards
Heaving my cleavage
My love spread ahead
Into ceaseless ecstasy
Judge: [Drunken] O Mugithi, o the guitar notes
O Mugithi, you
arouse me
O Mugithi, trouble
my heart
O I hear an eaglet’s
mating call
O escaping some
beautiful beak
O
words of love reach mine ear
O
as piercing whisper of a lyre
Minnie [Aside] Mugithi,
stir his pathos
Untie his love chords
Mugithi, seduce him
I’ve laid all my cards
Heaving my cleavage
My love spread ahead
Into ceaseless ecstasy
Judge: [Staggering] O creature of
romance
Fill me with poetry
Melt me like lump
Till I fry in desire
…
Raging
with fire…
O my love muscle...
O come to me my love…
O come thou fount of love...
[The
judge pulls the submissive Minnie. They
embrace tightly and kiss, heading towards her waiting bed. Mugithi takes his guitar and tactfully slip away.]
[Lights fade.]
©Roundsquare
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