Close Shaves v

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
.....
Wafula is wondering where Noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
…..
Build a man a fire and he is warm for a day. Set him on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life
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Grammar is important. For instance, commas save lives. E.g “Let's eat grandpa” is not “Lets eat, grandpa”
……
Wafula thinks that if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single"
…….
Before you use the bathroom in someone’s house make sure you check they have toilet paper!!
…….
Press Alt+F4 and see something amazing happen.
…….
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy
……..
Solution to two of the world's problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry

Moon is more important than Sun, couz it gives light at Night when light is needed; And Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!

Omwami on an interview for the post of Detective:
Interviewer: "Who killed Gandhi?"
Omwami: "Thank you Sir for giving me the job, I will start
investigating..."

Mwalimu: "In which state does the Nyando flow?"
Omwami: " Liquid State ..."
Audience clapped.
Mwalimu stands stunned, looks behind, All were Omwamis...!

Omwami wanted to eat chicken bt dnt know its name in english, so when he saw an Englishman eating boiled eggs, he called the waiter and ordered: “I want their mother'

 

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Imaginative Letter to Son

Pyare Puttar,
Vahe Guru.

I am in a well here and hoping you in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the
newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20
miles. I wont be able to send the address as the last. Sardar who stayed here took the Address Plate with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address Plate here, so that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I am not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfil his
father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.


Faqat,

Twadi Maa.


P.S : I was going to send you some money but the Envelope was already sealed. Also, when the letter reaches you, please put the stamp on it otherwise the postman will not give it to you

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Married Humour

Wife:           'What are you doing?'   


Husband:   Nothing. 


Wife:           'Nothing...?  You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'   


Husband:    'I was looking for the expiry date.'     


------------ --------- --------- - 


Wife :       'Do you want dinner?'    


Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'    


Wife:         'Yes or no.'    


------------ --------- --------- - 

Wife:     'You always carry my photo in your wallet.  Why?' 


Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'    


Wife:    'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?' 


Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'    


------------ --------- --------- ------------ --------- -----    


Stress  Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your  worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'    


Boy:  ’It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'   


Girl: 'Well that's because we aren’t married yet.' 


------------ --------- --------- 

Son: ' Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'    


Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'   


Son:  ’But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'   


____________ _________ _________ __   


A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'   


'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'   


------------ --------- --------- ------------ --------- ---------    


Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever. 


The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.' 


------------ --------- --------- - 


A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'    


He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!

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